Even In Death
by LaDiDaanifan
Summary: Even in death, Yuki and Suichi's love must go on, no matter what it takes.


It would be a lie if I said my absence hasn't been a long one. I still love Gravitation and I still love writing and this is one ofthe many that I'll be posting to regain my presence here of Please enjoy!

-----Even In Death

It happened so fast. We were driving late one night. I remember he was whining about having to go on tour for the next month and that he'd miss me. I hadn't responded much to his ranting but I was sure he knew what I was feeling. He knew I would miss him like he would miss me. And that it was just as hard on me seeing him leave than it was having him leave me. We loved each other, in our own special way. We loved each other in a way that no one could ever understand.

Little did I know that the world we created for each other would soon be crashing down all around me and... us.

Soon enough, just as I was beginning to speak, all that could be heard is a screeching sound and then came the crash. I didn't see or hear much after that. I do remember him calling out my name just before the glass windows of the car shattered around us. I had wanted to call back to him. But no more words came before everything turned black.

I opened my eyes to men in white scrubs. They were talking fast but I didn't understand what they were saying. Were they talking to me? Thats when I felt pain rush throughout my entire body. Why was I in so much pain? I blacked out.

I opened my eyes to find my annoying relatives staring at me. "What?" I asked harshly and they all breathe a sigh of relief. "What is it?" I ask, irritation still in my tone. I took in my surroundings; I was in a hospital room with two large windows, pouring in white light, across the room. Everything else was white as well and I could almost smell sterile floors, sheets, air... everything was just so fucking clean! I hate hospitals and everything in it.

"Nothing brother." Mika said with teary eyes. Her brown cotton top and plain denim jeans were wrinkled, so I assumed she slept here. I took a look around and saw that they were all in the same condition. They looked crappy. "We are all just glad your alive and well."

"Why wouldn't I be?" I asked but the truth soon dawned on me. "There was a crash?" I asked, still somewhat unsure. My head started to pulse.

"Yes, Yuki." Tohma stepped forward, taking my hand and leaning on the side of the bed. "You and Shuichi got into a car accident." My heart froze for a moment and held eye contact with him, almost searching for a reason as to why I was feeling so uneasy. I looked around to the people around me; Tohma, Mika, Tatsuha, that American guy, and far off by the door stood Shuichi's band mates, they all held solemn expressions.

"And?" They all seemed surprised. Was it weird hearing me so calm? I wanted to ask but keep it to myself.

"And, Shuichi... he's..." He paused, trying and failing, to regain his composure. "He's gone, Yuki." I didn't immediately respond. I took a moment to look at everyone in the room, directly in their faces. Still, that solemn expression was there, not to be removed easily.

Gone? My Shuichi, my angel, my lover. Gone?

Of course, this couldn't be true. If he was dead, I'd know. He's not dead so this had to be a lie...

_Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong  
Moonlight on the soft brown earth  
It leads me to where you lay  
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home_

I remained silent for the rest of the time I had been at the hospital and even when I returned home. Everyone was constantly on my back. He's not dead, so why keep pushing it? I got so angry I punched Tohma right in the face.

Stop fucking lying to me! Shuichi isn't dead and when I reach home he'll be there, to greet me with a hug and a kiss.

I got home late. They assumed if I took time to get my head together, it'll be fine.

I walked through the front door to find the lights all off. "Shuichi!" I called out. Why isn't he here? My head started to hurt again. "Shuichi get out here! Damn it Shuichi. If your not here in ten seconds Im leaving you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Why wasn't he coming out? Was he angry with me? Had I done something wrong?

"Shuichi... Im sorry." I fell to my knees. Shuichi just cant be dead. I remember! He was calling to me! He cant be dead. He wouldn't leave me behind after calling to me. He loves me...

The next day, words of my beloveds death hit the fans. What were they thinking? If Shuichi was dead, why is it that I still feel his presence. I know he's here, I could feel and almost see it. I wont ever let you go.

I stayed in the bedroom where I faintly heard his calling me once again. "Shuichi?!" I cried out. "Shuichi, you have to come back! They think you're dead!"

I heard him again, this time, much less clear. I then realized that there wasn't a voice at all. It was probably my memory of him... speaking to me. Once he returns... I'll show the world how correct I was!

I thought of Shuichi that night. His words, his touch, his smell; everything about him made me smile and want more. I reminisced about how he had fallen in love with me even after I was so cold to him. I remembered how we made love, time and again. And how he'd whisper 'I love you Yuki' everyday just in case I didn't hear him the day before.

I love you, Shuichi, with all of my heart. Im still waiting, my Shuichi.

_I will stay forever here with you  
My love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on_

At Shuichi's wake, I wondered if this was a dream. This body before me, it was Shuichi. But that couldn't be Shuichi. The real Shuichi, my Shuichi, was standing next to me, smiling at me while holding onto my arm. These people are insane. How could they play such a joke on my love?

Then rage boiled in my veins once more and I grabbed the head of the body and yelled it. "Shuichi, you're not dead! You're here with me!" I heard the other friends and family members cry out, telling me to stop. Shuichi, the real Shuichi, just stood there, no blank of emotion. I looked to him and asked him why was he doing this. "I love you, so what are you trying to prove by all this? Fuck Shuichi! Answer me!" Tohma and the American man jumped me. I would have been able to fight them off if that damn American was equal to me in strength.

"Yuki! Shuichi is gone! Do you hear me!?!?" Tohma's eyes filled with water as the other held me down. He came beside me, pulling me into a hug. I didn't need his hug, nor did I want it. "You have to realize that. Shuichi's dead and gone." He cried harder and I could see everyone staring at me, including Shuichi. Was everyone going crazy? Couldn't they see him?

_Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love  
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love  
They don't know you can't leave me  
They don't hear you singing to me_

That night, I watched Shuichi, watching me. "Shu... no one believes me. They don't know that you cant leave me. They don't know that you're here and a part of me."

By then I had already lost tons of weight. I don't remember sleeping much either but I knew Shuichi was with me so I didn't care. He would speak to me also... but words didn't need to be exchanged. I love him and he loves me. Still, he tells me so everyday.

_I will stay forever here with you  
My love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on_

I opened my eyes to the same large white windows of the white hospital room. I looked around for someone but no one was there. I waited for a moment, thinking. Shuichi, I know now he's gone. I felt my mind, first the first time in a long time, be at ease. I closed my eyes and sighed. "Shuichi, I still love you, even in death."

"I love you too, Yuki!" I opened my eyes to find Shuichi standing in front of me, smiling his dazzling smile. His soft skin, full lips, and pink hair. It was all in front of me and as real as ever.

"Shuichi, why are you here?" I asked softly.

He giggles a bit. God did I miss that. "The real question is why are you still holding on. Come on, I let you stay long enough. I need you with me. Unless... you want to stay." His eyes reflected hurt and I couldn't help but feel his sadness. I got up, finding that I had on normal clothes, walked over to my love and hugged him tightly.

"Shuichi," I smiled. "where did you go?"

He grinned. "It was time for me to leave. I tried calling you but I wasn't sure if you've rather stay. So I let you chose."

I then remembered how I'd stop eating and sleeping. I was making that choice without even realizing it.

"We're dead?" I asked calmly.

He smiled, taking my hand into his own. "Lets go, Yuki." He lead the way over to the windows, the light becoming brighter than before, I squinted in response, holding Shuichi's hand tighter. "You ready?" He asked, turning to me.

I nodded without a second thought. I don't want to ever be without him.

_And I can't love you, anymore than I do_

Finally, I left the world where I thought Shuichi had been in, where I thought I needed to be in.

_I will die, but real love is forever._

---

Ah, done! what did you think?


End file.
